12 September 2005

Head Spin

It's been a while since I've had the time to post and now I am correcting that.  If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well, right?

In the airport today, watching our culture of consumerism in full effect.  Surrounded by greedy little piggies engorging on anything and everything.  As I tried to not be revolted, at them and more at my own hypocrisy, I was gently convicted.  After all, I pretty much fashion the world to suit my own timelines and desires.  In many cases I manage to pull off that swindle slicker than most.  Is that wrong?

My friend Brett (such as stand-up guy, by the way!) asked me a very pointed question earlier this weekend.  Even entangled in the throes of significant inebriation it still hit me like a ton of bricks. Okay, so it didn't really sink in until I sobered up and was recalling the conversation.  But it sure made me rethink my own stance on how transparent I can be.  He wanted to know why someone with such apparent confidence and competence in so many areas could be so inept, ineffectual and downright cowardly when it comes to women.  To put it in the words of Travis "My Whitebread Friend", how come you aren't spinning any game?

With my usual self-brutalization I had to honestly admit that I've been hood-winked and bamboozeled.  By me. Myself.  I.  My prime and potent ability to self-modify was keeping my goals in line with my sense of self-preservation.  If being vulnerable can lead to pain, simply don't desire things that leave you vulnerable.  All nice, neat, and logical, right?  Don't want what will hurt, you won't pursue things that hurt, you won't get hurt.  Nice theory, anyway.

Now I've seen the man behind that curtain.  Game on.

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