25 July 2007


In the last couple days I've had the same conversation about a dozen times. I guess that is good thing because it means I get to perfect at least my portion of the dialog. Unfortunately I have so little to offer in the conversations these days that even a practiced diatribe is still so mind-numbing as to bore a koala bear into a stupor.

There are a few lights at the end of the proverbial tunnel though. Firstly, the routine is gelling well. This is important and relevant (as my friend, M, would say). Secondly, thanks to other input from people I grow to respect more and more every day, I am managing to "chill" (yes, that is a technical term!) and revel in some relationships that are important to me. This may sound obvious to you, but as a classic over-intellectualizing, perfectionist, goofball, even the baby steps are worth celebrating.
It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.
- The Scandal of Father Brown (The Point of a Pin)

Letting my mind loose to wander and recreate leads me all kinds of places. Once again I find myself waking up with creative ideas, encouragements for others to be delivered, potential plans to produce happiness around me, and even the occasional course correction for myself. When allow your mind the freedom to feel, the room to breathe, you'd be amazed how Technicolor things become again.

Now if I can just make it through another couple weeks until I see my babies again. . .

24 July 2007

1 for every 12

The crushing thing about doing two-a-day workouts is the monotony. Wake up, go to the gym. Go to work, go to the gym, go to bed. Repeat. Effectively, you are in the gym at least one hour out of every twelve.

Sometimes this is great in that it makes things very stable and predictable. The routine can act as an anchor; a stabilizing effect on the chaos that normally is life. And let us face it, who doesn't need a little monotony from time to time?

For me, this routine is really helping me cope with missing my babies and the pressures of working in a hostile environment. One of my good friends encouraged me the other day with his perspective on how I've been changing. The fact that he would notice is in and of itself, remarkable.

In the past, it has been easy for me to dismiss the apparent shallowness of certain locales. As with many things, prolonged first-hand experience has altered those perceptions in subtle ways. For one, I harbor an increased respect for the vastness of knowledge and experience sheltered in the heterogeneity of this particular locale. The insightfulness and value I've gained from my associations here are not to be lightly dismissed. There can exist realism amidst the glitz and glamour. Oh yes.

Even though I am at best a novice in the emotional field in which I currently find myself playing, it brings me great confidence to have such sophisticated and senior players on my side. Even if only circumspectly and fleeting. After all, with so little to lose, why not risk it? It is like your first apartment with all the crappy furniture. So what if it all burns down? You would only be out a few bucks at the most. Being willing to let the chips fall, let the dice roll, is a trait for which I have to come to have a deeper appreciation. It's definitely harder than it looks.

17 July 2007

One of the Best Days...Ever

My son is celebrating his birthday. He is beautiful and amazing and a most remarkable person. When I struggle to be the man I want to be, thinking of him cuts through any paralysis or rationale. To see him happy is one of the most profound joys I've ever known.

My hope for all of you is that in some way, you will come to know someone, anyone, as cool as my son. If you find someone like that in your life, then have been truly blessed.

16 July 2007

That Freakin' Fish!

So it's Monday (again!) and yet again I have to accept the fact that I am just too busy. In an entire weekend, I couldn't find even the small amount of time to go check out the new Finding Nemo ride at Disneyland.

Okay, so that might strike you as an odd way to measure the success of a weekend, but it works for me.

You see, it isn't just that I am busy, it is the times in which I find myself occupied. If you're out late, you get up late. You get up late, you workout late, and so on. Until finally, you realize it is monday and even the simple things you set out in your mind todo you've completely glossed over.

Surely, I'm not the only one with an unrealized short-term goal? How the heck are the rest of you figuring this out?

Rant over. Back to work. Have a great week, everyone.

13 July 2007

Angels and Soldiers

As I meander along minding my own concerns and attempting to bring light and joy to those around me, I continue to flounder in my own self-absorption.

Friends I try to support feel isolated and abandoned. Negative nonsense from naysayers surrounding me weigh on my heart when I should shed their silliness like soot from a chimney.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
-- Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936) The Man who was Orthodox

You would think being a more or less mature adult, even one as childish of heart as I, would render you more or less immune to the potential pitfalls from the perverted perceptions of people I don't normal respect. Alas.

The good news in all this misery is that I learn from my failures. The more failures, the more learning. Or at least that's the theory.

It helps that in addition to the unsupportive types surrounding me, I also have the uplifting and enlightened ones as well. If you must visit hell, bring angels. If you must go to war, bring soldiers. In my life, I've been blessed to have access to both.

08 July 2007

A Thank You For A Friend

It was peaceful and sumptuous
A veritable exercise in extravagance
This quiet weekend of mine

Full of film and fun
Sand and sun
This quiet weekend of mine

Surrounded in companionable silence
Casually we cavorted and consorted
This quiet weekend of mine

Napkins after napping
Strength-building and sapping
This quiet weekend of mine

Alone in the crowd but not unexpected
A whispered haiku amidst the hiatus
This quiet weekend of mine

Heartbreaking and healing
Roughed-up and reeling
This quiet weekend of mine

Talking time ceased but pleasantly
A Friday frown becomes Sundays smile
This quiet weekend of mine

05 July 2007

Cirque Du Soleil

One of my friends was kind enough to send me a pointer today about Cirque Du Soleil tickets going on sale from TicketMaster.

I absolutely love the Cirque shows and I've seen most of them. I routinely travel around just to check out the touring shows.

If you have never seen a Cirque Du Soleil show, I highly, highly recommend you check it out. There is a special you can find out about at http://www.ticketmaster.com/summerofcirque?tm_link=tm_home_f7 that is putting up really amazing seats for just $50 this summer in Las Vegas.

There has never been a better time! If you wanna go, just ping me. I'd be glad to help make this happen because I'm always up for introducing people to this most spectacular and inspiring of entertainment.

Mid-week Holidays

The mid-week holiday isn't the best holiday. But at this point, I'll take what I can get.

Yesterday was fun and chaotic. Or perhaps it was mayhem and merriment. In any case, I truly enjoyed a mellow evening with good friends chatting and chilling to celebrate our nations birthday.

While I won't say I need to recreate more (I mean, let's face it, I screw around a LOT!) it is always good to get a reminder that recreating with friends is healthy. It clears your mind and resets all the brainwashing. The brainwashing you endure from other people, and the particularly insidious brainwashing you perform on yourself.

Now I need a day to relax and rest from my recreation. Working the day after Independence Day? Just crazy.