Who Loves You More

Being generous and turning the other cheek is always hard for anyone. You can be as zen or taoist or Christ-like or [insert your model for unselfish behavior here] and it still hurts to watch the world keep revolving when some shock or loss keeps your mind standing still.

Maybe it's that I haven't yet reached that limit of loss. Perhaps there is some floor you have to hit, some threshold where numbness envelops and stillness settles you to its chest. I feel I've been there before and it isn't the lack pain I'm longing. Pain is living, another breath is another moment I shouldn't waste. No, I the return to normalcy is my hearts need. That infusion of passion from facing the future and feeling free, no foundering or fragility.

I know where my confidence should be. I just can't push through. There is to much Me in me today.

I can't wait for this to end
And leave tonight behind us
I'm unsettled letting go of you
And sleeping the night in silence

This letdown falls along with me
Onto my bed while rolling over
So break my heart or break my fall
Don't kiss him or cover all
The memories you had of me

The last time I saw you
You were standing by his side
The last time you saw me
Was through your closed eyes
As I'm waiting by the phone

He loves you
Who loves you more?
To let you go

He loves you
Who loves you more?
To let you go

I can't wait until my heart mends
So I can finally go outside
And I tell myself, "Well Ken
It's better to have lost love
Than to paint a smile and pretend."

The last time I saw you
You were standing by his side
The last time you saw me
Was through your closed eyes as I'm waiting by the phone

He loves you
Who loves you more?
To let you go

He loves you
Who loves you more?
To let you go

The last time I saw you
You were standing by his side
The last time you saw me
Was in a crumpled photograph that missed the bin

He loves you
Who loves you more?
To let you go

-- Decisions, Decisions from A Goodnight's Sleep by The Starting Line

It's always good to be reminded that I'm not the only one that feels this way from time to time. Especially in a song that's personalized for me.