24 March 2007

Time Whose Ideas Have Come

This past couple weeks on the road in India have been remarkably productive. Not just in terms of raw accomplishments but in terms of setting up capability for future accomplishment. Sometimes I think we forget that often it is only investments you can make today, not concrete accomplishments.
A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.
--- John Ciardi
I find myself facing this dilemma repeatedly in almost every aspect of my life. Conversations about work/life balance and relationships inevitably turn to my own inability to invest in myself as well as should. Which is ridiculous against the stark contrast of the overwhelming volume of advice and encouragement that I give to others. Virtually every encouragement, every response, every nudge I give to others is rooted in that basic concept: invest in yourself first. And yet, I fail, and fail spectacularly.

One would think in all my study and thinking, in my continual pursuit of perfection around me, at some point I would work on the lack of perfection inside me. Of course, could I cure that cancer would I take away the laziness that so motivates and inspires much of my creativity? Who is to say. It is purely part of my pathetic reason and excuses nothing.

Perhaps some day, in some way, I will find the means to force the change even in my own deliberation.

Don't hold your breath.

No comments :