It's a Big Casino

On the beach this morning for a long walk listening to music and just getting lost in the wonder. As is typically the case, a particular song stuck out in my head. I'm still trying to figure out why. Entries like this one sometimes help me understand what I'm thinking about; what's going on inside of me.

Before this world starts up again
It's me and night
We wait for the sun
The kids and drunks head back inside

Well there's lots of smart ideas
In books I never read
When the girls come talk to me
I wish to hell I had

Get up, Get up
Turn the ignition
Get up, Get up
Fire up the system
Play my little part in something big

I'll accept with poise with grace
When they draw my name from the lottery
And They'll say "all the salt in the world couldn't melt that ice"
I'm the one who gets away
I'm a New Jersey success story
And They'll say "Lord give me the chance to shake that hand"
They'll say

Back when I was younger
I was someone you'd have liked
Got an old guitar I had for years I'd let you buy
And I'll tell you something else
That you ain't dying enough to know
There's still some living left when your prime comes and goes

Get up, Get up
Dance on the ceiling
Get up, Get up
Boy you must be dreaming
Rock on young savior
Don't give up your hopes

I'll accept with poise with grace
When they draw my name from the lottery
And They'll say "all the salt in the world couldn't melt that ice"
I'm the one who gets away
I'm a New Jersey success story
And They'll say "Lord give me the chance to shake that hand"

I have one last wish
And it's from the heart
Just let me down
Just let me down easy

I'll accept with poise with grace
When they draw my name from the lottery
And They'll say "all the salt in the world couldn't melt that ice"
I'm the one who gets away
I'm a New Jersey success story
And They'll say "Lord give me the chance to shake his hand"
They'll say

-- Big Casino by Jimmy Eat World

I guess we all want some form of vindication. We all have a deeper desire to be noticed and understood and feel like we stood out and succeeded. And we're all making deals with devils, inside and out, real and imagined.

Are You An Anarchist?

Anyone who reads me regularly knows that I avoid anything truly political. Today I couldn't resist.

As a caveat, please do not read anything more into this than that I found this to be a very interesting quote. The last thing I want is for everyone out there (all 6 of you) to start thinking I'm making political statements or even giving away my political perspectives in this forum. I am not.

A secure, stable, democratic Iraq at peace with its neighbors is attainable.
-- Ryan C. Crocker, U.S. Ambassador to Iraq

These are good adjectives. Unless you are an anarchist, these are good adjectives. Believe them or not, it is important to at least start with good adjectives.

Your Smile Makes Me See Clearer

Father's day weekend is always a difficult time for me. The petty and insensitive behavior of others doesn't help.

your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone
and I know you may be scared
and I know were unprepared
but I don't care

tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
-- Vulnerable, Secondhand Serenade

What really beats me up is my own conscience when I realize that I take my black numbness out on others without warning. It is one thing to be a disappointment as a friend, but when I fail to allow even those who consider themselves to be my friends to know my suffering; I slip further away.

I shoulder my sorrow and refuse to share, but even if they can't help carry, knowing how screwed up I am inside should give them the pause to compensate for my short-comings. Keeping them outside the reasons for my distance isn't fair; much like life.

Unfortunately, my servants guilt finds me and binds me for the numbness as much for the vulnerability.

One More Step

When you've been on a journey and you begin to see an end in sight, it is not uncommon for the travelers to begin to look up from the road and instead fix their eyes on the destination. This is not entirely without merit, excepting when you still have rivers to cross and jungles to wade through before your arrival. In those cases, it pays to keep your focus squarely on the steps directly in your path. When treading through the lava flows, it is the careful step that keeps you alive to enjoy the scenery.

I am a design chauvinist. I believe that good design is magical and not to be lightly tinkered with. The difference between a great design and a lousy one is in the meshing of the thousand details that either fit or don't, and the spirit of the passionate intellect that has tied them together, or tried. That's why programming---or buying software---on the basis of "lists of features" is a doomed and misguided effort. The features can be thrown together, as in a garbage can, or carefully laid together and interwoven in elegant unification, as in APL, or the Forth language, or the game of chess.
-- Ted Nelson

It is a lofty goal to produce elegance. Regardless of our aspirations, often as not, the measure of a design, like any art, is in the eye of beholder. With art that functions, it is primarily in the usefulness and fluidity of consumption that beauty and elegance may be found.

Nothing is more beautiful or elegant, then that which opens minds to be more, see more, create more, elegance.

Walking and Talking

This week finds me taking a break from my normal work to rub shoulders with others in my profession, speaking geek with a passion.

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

One thing that becomes readily apparent whenever there are this many technobabblers in the same space is the difference between those who can talk the walk and those who can only walk the walk.

It is easy to overlook how wide the disparity between these two camps can grow.

Time Whose Ideas Have Come

This past couple weeks on the road in India have been remarkably productive. Not just in terms of raw accomplishments but in terms of setting up capability for future accomplishment. Sometimes I think we forget that often it is only investments you can make today, not concrete accomplishments.

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.
--- John Ciardi

I find myself facing this dilemma repeatedly in almost every aspect of my life. Conversations about work/life balance and relationships inevitably turn to my own inability to invest in myself as well as should. Which is ridiculous against the stark contrast of the overwhelming volume of advice and encouragement that I give to others. Virtually every encouragement, every response, every nudge I give to others is rooted in that basic concept: invest in yourself first. And yet, I fail, and fail spectacularly.

One would think in all my study and thinking, in my continual pursuit of perfection around me, at some point I would work on the lack of perfection inside me. Of course, could I cure that cancer would I take away the laziness that so motivates and inspires much of my creativity? Who is to say. It is purely part of my pathetic reason and excuses nothing.

Perhaps some day, in some way, I will find the means to force the change even in my own deliberation.

Don't hold your breath.

Shoulders of Giants

Do you have a calling? Maybe you prefer to call it a destiny? A plan? A future? A purpose, perhaps? I know I do.

One of the things that has always helped see me through times of indecision and fear is my belief in my calling. My reason for being on this earth. When my choices are unclear, or any time when I'm struggling it gives me peace to know that my future is assured.

From time to time though, the situations I am faced with become to great. The challenges seem simply to much to overcome. Do you have those times like I do? Those times when my faith is shaken, when I can't seem to remember that I'm part of something greater. Forgetting my place seems the easiest thing I ever do.

In times like these, I find myself seeking around for the strength of others. I recall the light of those that have gone before showing the way. Taking time to reflect on their lives and purpose can really snap me out of my own selfish quagmire.

"Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn't matter with me now, because I've been to the mountain top and I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will, and He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over, and I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight, that we as a people will get to the Promised Land. So I'm happy tonight; I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord."
-- Dr. Martin Luther King

Basking in the glow of such phenomenal poise and purpose, humbles me. It brings the frail simplicity and meagerness of my own meddling into sharp relief.

It is good to have the shoulders of giants to stand on sometimes. Else the little guys like myself would get lost in the crowd and never see the sunsets.

On Posting and Pictures

Lots of new pictures posted.  Check 'em out when you get a minute.

I've been working on a ton of new posts, but have been too busy to keep the words flowing as they should.  Not to leave you wanting, here is a little something from one of my foremost inspirations.

Here's some simple advice: Always be yourself. Never take yourself too seriously. And beware of advice from experts, pigs, and members of Parliament.
-- Kermit the Frog

You can find the latest picture sets here or here.

Saw This Quote Today

A manual transmission is driving, everything else is just steering.

Just a Shout Out

The other day I had occasion to hang out with a friend I really respect.  Before long the conversation wound around to the quality of work we were able to expect from various resources we've been working with.  As is his fashion he summarized our approach with wit and intellect.

If you can't get the best,
get the best you can get.

For an unexplained reason (ok, I was sleep deprived) I found this to be a wonderful addition to the toolset for better living.  So there you have it.  A new rule.  And absolutely no alcohol involved.

Precision

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less."
- Lewis Carroll -- Through the Looking Glass, Chapter 6