Mismanaged

Promises unrepaired don't hurt as do the pledges stillborn and silent. They are the lies we tell ourselves, the lines left out to make the leaving easier. Shading the truth to me built on the illicit and confusing cacophony in your own delusion. How am I to trust and treat in truth the words you use to handle and appease me?

I sense your fear and turmoil, turbulent and winding though your management may be.

Should I say I see your show you enact for this audience? Should I "Bravo!" and cheer or simply take my leave?

No argument will stand or suffice when the deception starts with self. No right repartee will pierce the veil and assuage the pain of your deceit. If you cannot share your shame, if my very being is so unbecoming, only tell me and the moment is passed.

To manage only makes more mess.

An Attack of Memory

I thought it was time to share some of my writings once again. This one in particular is petty, simple, and trite. But then what did you really expect?

---

Pardon my sense of the obvious
It's quiet tonight and I still hear your voice
ringing in my ears
The image of you in my mind
stops my breath and my sight
stills my hammering yammering world
all at once.

For just a single hot heartbeat
I lose all my senses
my hands are as cold as my chest
it is burning the yearning intensifies
as I relive it
and crashing my pulse starts again
only racing this time
as thoughts and reality interrupt to remind me
I'm sitting amidst this whole crowd
who are totally separate and serve
to reveal my despair and my drowning

I'm here without you but only in body
within my soul you wait
for I have your promise
you won't leave me sitting alone

Your whispered words find me
your needing and and pleading in my memory
bring me back to my senses
awake from the dreaming
one moment of memory enough to consume me
and leave me elated frustrated sated

Your touch I've awaited to tell me
completely without reservation
no more hesitations
you match me
you'll find me in these quiet moments
when even my ears betray
your voice will find a way
from inside my memory
to free me to ecstasy

If only for a heart span I would trade
the pause in reality that comes from
one single stolen moment with you

If the shadow of single memory of you
undoes me with such abandon
how dare I imagine I might survive
the bliss of a world and day in which
your touch is truly mine

I worry fretting that there are not
sufficient depths in me to contain
the light that is your smiling untiring
incomparable companionship

In the loud words resounding in my head
I say I seek a partner
in this still solitude
I hear your whispered voice ringing in my ears
and pray only that I am found worthy
of that which I've discovered

A Thank You For A Friend

It was peaceful and sumptuous
A veritable exercise in extravagance
This quiet weekend of mine

Full of film and fun
Sand and sun
This quiet weekend of mine

Surrounded in companionable silence
Casually we cavorted and consorted
This quiet weekend of mine

Napkins after napping
Strength-building and sapping
This quiet weekend of mine

Alone in the crowd but not unexpected
A whispered haiku amidst the hiatus
This quiet weekend of mine

Heartbreaking and healing
Roughed-up and reeling
This quiet weekend of mine

Talking time ceased but pleasantly
A Friday frown becomes Sundays smile
This quiet weekend of mine

Companionably Alone

Somehow I find myself still on India time.  Not entirely sure if it is the lack of any sleeping schedule this week, the changing timezones enroute to Hawaii, or just my internal clock in mild rebellion.  In any case, even though I am tired and want to sleep, I find myself and watching the Hawaiian sunrise.  Perhaps I don't want to be asleep surrounded by all this? It is very beautiful here. (duh?)

Dawn stretches, yawns, breathes deeply.
Companionably alone I
soak in the sights and sounds of the
seascape surrounding me.
Light illuminates clouds
etches trees and rocks in stark relief.
Thoughts of yesterday, before, and then, are gone,
yielding to the yearning of oceans echo.
There floats a fish,
there sails a ship,
now washes a wave against my mind.

Such a place needs no together.
Meanderingly I arise and alight,
facing the full of day,
companionably alone, content.

I am not sure exactly what made me wax pathetically poetic today.  Perhaps just that overblown sense of appropriate behavior when faced with the magnificence that is such a flagrant vacation destination.  Man, did I ever need this place.  And I needed it even more once I realized that the internet works great from this beach...

Unhappy

When I haven't seen my kids in a while... I get grouchy.
When my friends are doing well... I get giddy.
When I don't work out for a week... I get gooey.
When the conversation is about boogers... I get gross.
When the air conditioning is too high... I get goosebumps.
When we share a secret... I get giggly.
When my project is going along smoothly, and then it isn't... I get grumpy.