Speaking Up

This morning I took YAMF (yet another morning flight) and as usual went around to Hertz to pickup my rental. Now often I can just breeze right through. Spot my name on the board, head to car, and I'm off! But from time to time, things get hinky so I have to step to the Gold counter and get it sorted.

Before I jump into the situation from this morning, let me set the context. I'm a full-time traveler. I don't own a car; instead I drove rental cars for about 320 days this past year (I was out of the country the rest of the year). Last year and the year before were about the same, so when it comes to renting cars I think I qualify as an authority.

This morning, the service I personally received at the rental counter was pretty good, which is not always the case in Seattle. The guy that helped me was courteous and helpful and handled my business efficiently. But the next guy over was discourteous and rude.

He comes out from the back room listening to an IPod and wearing a scowl. Unlike the other three employees, I couldn't find a name tag. When he finally decided to remove the headset, he didn't greet the customer just sort of grunted and motioned. The poor chap didn't have a Gold reservation, but instead of just quietly fixing it and sending him along, he has to embarrass the kid by announcing his shortcoming to entire room. And when the kid corrected the employee, the employee argued with him making it worse! When he finally finished printing things out he just handed him the papers without any send-off at all.

The next fellow also got the silent treatment mixed with sighing and generally disposition that says I wish I was somewhere else and you people weren't bothering me.

Lastly, this lady came up to make some changes to her rental. He told her she had to call-in or go online to "fix her profile". As if it was broken. He didn't offer the number or the URL. Just go do it somewhere else and don't bother me. She then asked again if he would make the changes for this rental, and he told her to go back out to the car and bring him the contract. She said "excuse me?" and he said, "just go grab your contract from the car". I was shocked.

At this point, my car was ready, so I asked to speak with the manager. He showed up and I made a point of asking if we could speak privately. We went outside and I told him what I had witnessed. Just after we started, the employee came outside and eavesdropped on the conversation, right where I could see him! He did this after I specifically asked for a private conversation. The manager wasn't particularly helpful, but did appear to listen. When he asked me to confirm who it was, I just pointed and said he was the guy listening in, right there.

Most people (myself included) are really at a disadvantage when picking up the rental car. We've just flown in from some random place and we need to get on the road. Getting jerked around by the rental company is hard, but then you don't feel like you can take the time to say something. You are in a hurry, and why bother to try and make it known that this guy needs more training before unleashing him on customers? Just give me my car and let me go, right? Sometimes it's just too much and you have to let it out, else how will they get better? So this morning, I was the voice of three obviously dissatisfied people because I don't want my next experience to suck too.

Hertz, you need to shake things up a bit in Seattle. I've been a great customer, and your other locations are usually pretty decent. But this is the fourth really distasteful experience I've had in Seattle this year. Please clean it up!

No I Didn't Pay Her

No I Didn't Pay Her

But she's hot enough that they were wondering...

(editors note: she wrote this text, not I)

Though I Wonder Sometimes

Every now and again, I find myself in need of a clear reminder. My desperate need as a human to make a connection with other humans. I avoid it sometimes, lash out at it other times, find distractions from it regularly. Intellectually, I know it is better if I make the connections, rather than waiting for the connections to make me.

But I don't have to like it…

I am a man on a mission
I have tunnel vision
Just 'cause I'm not talking
Don't mean that I'm not listening
You can say I suffer from a lifelong condition
You know I love you baby
But try to understand I am a man

I am a man of passion
Maybe it's magic, maybe it's a chemical reaction
All I know is you walk in the room
There's a fire deep inside me
And it's burning just for you
You know I want you baby
Try to understand
I am a man

I'm right, I'm wrong
I'm weak, I'm strong
And I'm all points in between
I don't say much
But when we touch
You know just what I mean

I'm a man of conviction
I do believe in God
But I wrestle with the devils of addiction
Sometimes I lie awake at night
Pray that you'll turn over
Wrap your arms around me tight
Put my head on your shoulder
You know I need you baby
Try to understand
I am a man

-- I Am A Man by Lonestar from the album Coming Home

And yes, sometimes the easiest way to express myself, especially when it's 4am is to use other people lyrics. So piss off Cory.

Placing Your Bets

What seems like ages ago in the late 90's I started building up my digital music collection and because of my close ties with Microsoft naturally I chose Windows Media Audio as the format I would support. Who knew?

Who knew that Microsoft would do such a piss-poor job of supporting digital technology? Who knew they'd see massive churn in their hardware expertise and completely screw-up their entrée into the music player market? Who knew they'd talk so freakin' long to make even token progress in car audio, phone audio, and personal devices? More's the sucker I.

Now I find myself with a library of more than 100,000 songs and the vast majority from online retailers who supported WMA. But I can't put the audio where I want it any more. I doesn't play well with my Nano, it won't play well in the car, it's a pain to work with on my phones. In short, I'm through suffering to support a format that has been so hideously mishandled.

So know I've been struggling with the easy way to convert ten thousand albums into MP3 format without losing the substantial investment I've made in ratings, album covers, categorization, and data clean-up. I'm notoriously picky about data, and my music collection is one of those places it shows the most. But seriously, convert 100K songs automatically with back-up and verification?

First off, I went a-hunting. I tried tool after tool, widget after widget, and spent some decent coin trying out even the more high-end utilities and packages. Generally speaking, they all are fine for the little guys, but when you are talking THOUSANDS of albums, they stop being useful.

So naturally, my engineering spirit erupted in full bloom and I've had to create several utilities to manage and control this process. Hundreds of hours later, I'm still not finished with the conversion process even though it is largely automatic with only a minimal set of smooth (to my mind) human verification steps.

The moral I learned from this adventure is to place your technology bets wisely. Had I given up after the first ASF debacle I would only have 40 or 50 gigabytes of music to manage instead of 600 GB of digital audio that needs to be handled with care.

I'm Reed Fish

Every now and again I watch a movie that was just about to slip under my radar and can't believe I almost missed it.

I'm Reed Fish is one such wonder. It was funny and well-acted, the music was superb, and it was far from formulaic.

In this case, I think that might have been the issue. From one angle it is a fairly straight-forward story, but it is told in a round-about way that isn't always easy for today's shallow viewers to follow.

Of course, once you get a chance to watch Schuyler Fisk perform a song she wrote for the movie in the movie, I think minds might be opened a little. She's just really cool and the performance is excellent.

If you are a fan of Jay Baruchel who you might know from Undeclared or Just Legal, then you definitely need to add this to Blockbuster Queue.

Campus Maps

Today I needed to find a map of the buildings on the various Microsoft campuses. You'd think this type of thing would be easier to find. A little google, and I was off to some random fellows blog (http://www.jeff-barr.com/?p=200) for links to the maps.

Now, I'm extremely grateful to this gentleman for posting the links. It was very helpful. The thing that annoyed me is why I have to bounce through some random blog to find the data that is actually hosted by Microsoft itself.

Apparently, they haven't properly tagged or linked or whatever their own content so that a Google (or Live) search for Microsoft Campus Maps returns the page with the maps on it. Why is that?

I suppose there is some ambiguous security thing or some such for making it less accessible, but puh-leez. If it is accessible at all then it is accessible! So you might as well make it easy and win some points for the legit users instead of trying to confound the supposedly inept illegitimate users.

Alternatively, they might just be lazy or incompetent. They are a fairly large organization, and Occam's Razor is still sharp.

Who Loves You More

Being generous and turning the other cheek is always hard for anyone. You can be as zen or taoist or Christ-like or [insert your model for unselfish behavior here] and it still hurts to watch the world keep revolving when some shock or loss keeps your mind standing still.

Maybe it's that I haven't yet reached that limit of loss. Perhaps there is some floor you have to hit, some threshold where numbness envelops and stillness settles you to its chest. I feel I've been there before and it isn't the lack pain I'm longing. Pain is living, another breath is another moment I shouldn't waste. No, I the return to normalcy is my hearts need. That infusion of passion from facing the future and feeling free, no foundering or fragility.

I know where my confidence should be. I just can't push through. There is to much Me in me today.

I can't wait for this to end
And leave tonight behind us
I'm unsettled letting go of you
And sleeping the night in silence

This letdown falls along with me
Onto my bed while rolling over
So break my heart or break my fall
Don't kiss him or cover all
The memories you had of me

The last time I saw you
You were standing by his side
The last time you saw me
Was through your closed eyes
As I'm waiting by the phone

He loves you
Who loves you more?
To let you go

He loves you
Who loves you more?
To let you go

I can't wait until my heart mends
So I can finally go outside
And I tell myself, "Well Ken
It's better to have lost love
Than to paint a smile and pretend."

The last time I saw you
You were standing by his side
The last time you saw me
Was through your closed eyes as I'm waiting by the phone

He loves you
Who loves you more?
To let you go

He loves you
Who loves you more?
To let you go

The last time I saw you
You were standing by his side
The last time you saw me
Was in a crumpled photograph that missed the bin

He loves you
Who loves you more?
To let you go

-- Decisions, Decisions from A Goodnight's Sleep by The Starting Line

It's always good to be reminded that I'm not the only one that feels this way from time to time. Especially in a song that's personalized for me.

The Posting Formula

It has been a little while since I've been posting, mostly due to it being not quite comfortable for me to type. However, being completely addicted to my daily ingestion of news, trivia, and other related spew from various internet sources I have no shortage of interesting ideas.

The following one was inspired after clicking through the TinyUrl posts of half a dozen major bloggers I follow. They seemed to share a general approach and pattern which sort of stuck in my craw. In my ever expanding exercise of de-mystifying how the magnificent manage to remain so. . . well . . . magnificent, I'm going to share the secrets of the list masters with you now.

In a nut-shell, if you want to create a captivating post, just design a top ten list and then follow these steps to spell it all out for your readers. It's a sure-fire recipe for blog post fame. Here goes . . .

1. Start with the most obvious point first. Keep it simple and short. Something flashy. Something sexy. No big words.
2. The second point should be more under-stated, perhaps even a little vague. Don't give anything important away, you need them to keep reading.
3. After two good points, the third should really stir the point. Something sure to incite a response is best here. Blatant offense is good if you can handle it.
4. So that people don't think you're closed-minded make the next point at the other end of the spectrum. You want people to think you've really considered this crap and put a lot of thought into the order of your points.
5. Now that you are over the hump, it's time to add filler. They've read this far already so start shoving in any of your points that don't really fit anywhere else.
6. To keep reminding them that you've really thought about the contents of this spew this would be the place to add references to other like-minded posts, authors, or books.
7. Before we start the conclusion you should try reiterating the first couple of points again. If you lump a couple together with run-on sentences it might seem like you're introducing new material.
8. Here is where you start redefining words, concepts, and introducing catch-phrases and "action items". Make sure you are ready to deliver the "call to action" that's coming up.
9. This is pretty much your last chance to sound like an authority, so really step it up here. Maybe try shifting into formal prose or future-tense. If all else fails you can always talk at length about the amazing results people will get if they adopt "the list".
10. You have a couple of choices for the conclusion. Witty remarks showcasing your casual humor are always appreciated. On the other hand, something self-absorbed and overly personal will often inspire interesting comments from the readers who might mistakenly think their opinions will change the contents of the list.

Sex and Chocolate

My life is usually pretty simple. I travel full-time so I have to stay pretty light. Which means I don't collect nearly as much stuff and junk as at one point I was known too.

Okay, so I still end up with stacks of books everywhere I go, but books are so sacred that surely we can over look that one. And music, I have somewhere in the neighborhood of 80 thousand songs taking up around 400GB on my external drive. Again, music is a sacrosanct virtue so it shouldn't count, right?

The hardest thing for me are gadgets. Trips to Best Buy and such are torture for me. I see the beautiful flat screens and WII's and Xbox's and so on. I start to sweat a little and my mouth gets dry. Then I usually see a nerdy looking sales person and I snap right out of it. I have no home so no Blue Ray player for me.

When it comes to what other people can't live without it is interesting what ranks highest. In a poll from last summer men valued sex 5 times more than chocolate and 4 times more than alcohol. On the other hand women ranked sex and chocolate the same. This was a serious marketing survey. Hmmph.

As someone currently Celibate By Choice (CBC) these stats don't really amaze me. Well, the difference between sex and alcohol is a little surprising. Without the alcohol there would be much less sex, wouldn't there?

There were some other interesting statistics but nothing that wasn't equally obvious.

How would you rank 'em?

Stuck In Sanity

These past few days I've been taking some time to reflect and recreate, visit with family, and generally unwind.

As I was working through some quiet time about where I should put my energy in this coming year, I realized how frequently I fail to find directions and clarity from my compatriots. I'm not so fiercely independent, decisive, arrogant, or self-centered (although these are my core attributes) as to not seek out their input. On the contrary, I relentlessly pursue the knowledge of others to better myself.

Can you answer me?
No more time for questioning
My car's outside I want to leave
Don't you think I'm interesting
Well, I'm listening.

Everything's obvious
The way you put your hand on me
The way you talk so easily
The way your lips are glistening
Well, I'm listening.

You get around, You want me
You come around, You need me
This time around, I won't be back at all

Maybe misery is what I need to keep my sanity
And I don't mean if things don't go my way
I'll be pleased to meet you

And maybe yesterday was a day that I could get away
Now today I'm stuck in sanity
And I'm pleased to meet you

Right now I think I'm sane,
But I'm really just anxious
To cross that bridge, the subconscious oasis
Where right is right, and wrong is wrong
And you weren't there to build me up

You get around, You want me
You come around, You need me
This time around, I won't be back at all

Maybe misery is what I need to keep my sanity
And I don't mean if things don't go my way
I'll be pleased to meet you (pleased to meet you)

And maybe yesterday was a day that I could get away
Now today I'm stuck in sanity
And I've seen it all, I've seen it all
Many times before

-- Maybe Misery from When All That's Left Is You by Quietdrive

I guess when it comes down to it you can ask questions and then you can listen. If you are just waiting to talk you'll probably miss what's important. If you give up and stop listening, you'll never hear the answers you'd like. If you think you know the answers, then just stop talking already.

Why can't I ever just leave those conversations?

It's a Big Casino

On the beach this morning for a long walk listening to music and just getting lost in the wonder. As is typically the case, a particular song stuck out in my head. I'm still trying to figure out why. Entries like this one sometimes help me understand what I'm thinking about; what's going on inside of me.

Before this world starts up again
It's me and night
We wait for the sun
The kids and drunks head back inside

Well there's lots of smart ideas
In books I never read
When the girls come talk to me
I wish to hell I had

Get up, Get up
Turn the ignition
Get up, Get up
Fire up the system
Play my little part in something big

I'll accept with poise with grace
When they draw my name from the lottery
And They'll say "all the salt in the world couldn't melt that ice"
I'm the one who gets away
I'm a New Jersey success story
And They'll say "Lord give me the chance to shake that hand"
They'll say

Back when I was younger
I was someone you'd have liked
Got an old guitar I had for years I'd let you buy
And I'll tell you something else
That you ain't dying enough to know
There's still some living left when your prime comes and goes

Get up, Get up
Dance on the ceiling
Get up, Get up
Boy you must be dreaming
Rock on young savior
Don't give up your hopes

I'll accept with poise with grace
When they draw my name from the lottery
And They'll say "all the salt in the world couldn't melt that ice"
I'm the one who gets away
I'm a New Jersey success story
And They'll say "Lord give me the chance to shake that hand"

I have one last wish
And it's from the heart
Just let me down
Just let me down easy

I'll accept with poise with grace
When they draw my name from the lottery
And They'll say "all the salt in the world couldn't melt that ice"
I'm the one who gets away
I'm a New Jersey success story
And They'll say "Lord give me the chance to shake his hand"
They'll say

-- Big Casino by Jimmy Eat World

I guess we all want some form of vindication. We all have a deeper desire to be noticed and understood and feel like we stood out and succeeded. And we're all making deals with devils, inside and out, real and imagined.

The Sweetest 20 Percent

This past week I've been able to catch up with some friends I haven't seen for a while. It started me thinking about what makes my real life-long friends so fantastic. And why I can't seem to get past the starting blocks with new friends in my ever expanding social circle. Then I remembered a conversation I'd had long ago about the 80/20 rule.

In summary, the 80/20 rule as it applies to relationships is that you spend eighty percent of the time doing normal, every day, won't-blow-your-kilt-up stuff, and twenty percent having important, intimate, life-changing experiences. With most relationships you will never get to the sweetest twenty without investing all the basic and normal eighty.

In my own life, I have some really good eighty percent friends. We don't have much pretense, it is about realism, trust, and relaxation. The more real we are, the more we trust, the more we relax. Everyone needs people like that in their life. The people you don't mind seeing you before you've got make-up on; who you never call for bail money, because they're sitting in the cell next to you. In friend terms, these are keepers. You find these in the romance department, just not as often as everyone would like.

The reason this gets interesting for romance is that we have a tendency to sample these experiences in random orders that can leave you drained and devoid of any lasting connection. For example, that drunken hook-up that finally made it clear to you why they call it wild-monkey-sex; the office mate you've been flirting up for weeks and finally find yourself shoulder to shoulder with in the supply closet.

[after surviving the bus explosion]
Annie: You're not going to get mushy on me, are you?
Jack: Maybe. I might.
Annie: I hope not, 'cause you know, relationships that start under intense circumstances, they never last.
Jack: Oh yeah?
Annie: Yeah, I've done extensive study on this.

[the last lines in the movie]
Jack: I have to warn you, I've heard relationships based on intense experiences never work.
Annie: OK. We'll have to base it on sex then.
Jack: Whatever you say, ma'am.

-- from the movie Speed

It is pretty common for us to get a taste of the sweet 20 upfront and assume it will be the norm for the remainder of the relationship. It isn't until we've invested significantly more time that we realize we already milked the best out of it and what we are left with is more like orange juice after toothpaste.

Like a cake, or maybe a fine wine, any relationship will have different flavors as it bakes (or ages). This isn't just normal, it's the point. Only expect a relationship to stay the same when the two parties involved aren't growing either. In this world, it is pretty hard to stop growing. Life has a tendency to drag you kicking and screaming into potty-training, sleeping in a big-boy bed, and pajamas with no feet whether you like it or not. So it helps to not just accommodate the changes, but expect and maybe even embrace it a little. You never know, you just might get a little taste of the sweetness if you take the time to savor.

Who They Will Become

One of my friends was recently married. I had the honor and pleasure of watching him go from single and swinging to affianced and adoring, to married and mushy. It was awesome and beautiful and inspiring and…you get the picture.

Someone very close to me is has recently moved slowly past the dating into the engagement and is methodically preparing for the marriage thing. Again, there are fewer more precious things to watch than someone in love doing "in love" kinds of things.

Now I find out another person close to me is jumping into the same circus. No shower before the pool, clothes and all, just one quick look and then Splash! She's moving quick but seems no less sure than either of the other two. The only difference is the relationship velocity. Sort of…

You see, the other big difference between these three is their ages. The more mature they each were, the slower, the more precise, the more aware they were of surroundings, repercussions and implications.

The first one was older and the whole thing took longer; it was way more deliberate. Each step from she's cool, to she's the one, to I'm doing this, to we're really doing this, to it's done, was a shift. You could see the attitudinal change, the wheels turning, the conscious choices being made, and the glow of satisfaction that comes from the deliberate pursuit of love. It honestly humbled me.

The middle one wasn't so old, but not so young. The whole thing moves along a bit at a time, passion leading to thinking, thinking leading to passion. From phase to phase, more and more thought and effort is applied. It becomes more and more real, and you can see the personal investments increasing to that point where you can't separate the two lives anymore.

The youngster has no idea what's in store. It's all roses and blushing. Everything is a problem we'll figure out later because love conquers all and we love each other. Which is not to say it won't, they won't, or they don't. It's just at the speed they are moving their it's hard to see how they each individual operate. Which is tied to their youth. Neither has enough history and personal experience to know who they are individually, which makes it really hard to understand what they'll be like together. Of course, maybe who they are together is all that matters.

What I find so interesting about this particular reflection isn't the difference that age brings to our relationship velocity. It is the difference that maturity makes in our individual personas. When you marry, you aren't marrying the person you think they ARE, you are marrying the person you think they WILL BECOME. When you have so little insight into the person they really are currently, how well can you really understand the person they will evolve into later? Because they will evolve. And so will you.

The pressure of time, our culture and both your choices will act on you both. Like it or not, you will grow. You will change. And unlike the stock market, with people, most of the time past performance is a measure of future performance. If you are going to invest, get as much of that diverse past performance as you can so you can invest wisely.

Getting Carried Away

The last two weeks have been absolutely crazy. Work has been completely out of control, but I did get some zany fun in Las Vegas over the weekend. Pictures will follow as I recover…

Turn it up I never wanna go home
I only wanna be part of your breakdown
she got caught by the four on the floor
it picked her up
and she'll never get let down

and now I can't stop
thinking about it
all you people at the top
don't know nothing about it

we don't give a flip what the price is
so just leave us to our own devices
and we'll leave you alone

I'll be there when your heart stops beating
I'll be there when your last breath's taken away
in the dark when there's no one listening
in the times when we both get carried away
when we both get carried away

-- When Your Heart Stops Beating by +44

As I prepare to enter a weekend that will hopefully involve rest, I can't help but recognize how stressed I have been. My mind is usually moving pretty quick, but it has been absolutely flying the last week or so. It will take a concerted, conscious effort to set aside the concerns that still I carry and simply . . . be.

Props to my colleagues for the incredible delivery they've been pulling off. Hugely underappreciated, they're velocity is inspiring.

Somebody please...

...make the bad man stop!

The latest facebook news bit.

These over-inflated, cash-out early, corporate valuations are just frustrating. Can we please get a little common sense and realism please? If even a fraction of these monies were put to research and development grants or micro-loan programs we'd see gi-normous economic returns as well as reduced-risk profits for the investors.

Why is it that honest idealists are always pushed out by dishonest manipulators?

Details, Devils, etc.

Every product, project, or design I've ever worked on was the result of a thousand connected, convergent decisions. Everything I've ever produced or delivered was the result of grinding through the myriad of potentials, options, and choices to consciously pick out a path to follow.

This is all your app is: a collection of tiny details.
-- Wil Shipley, founder of Delicious Monster

Regardless of how complete your vision is to begin with, it is the details which will make it cohesive or disconnected and ultimately a success or a failure.

Just because you recognize that details matter doesn't mean your decisions for those details will lead you where you want to go. No more so than sloshing paint on canvas will magically lead to beautiful art. Which is not to say it can't, just that it is unlikely.

To make something elegant, or useful, or [insert ambitiously positive success criteria here], you need to concern yourself with the minutia. Without all the tiny details; if you aren't obsessed with how they impact and affect each other, mediocrity is almost assured.

Strong Enough To Be Weak

Do you ever have one of those weeks?

I'm having one of those weeks. No matter how good my intentions, no matter how true my heart, it feels like the world is just set against me. This is not how I want to feel. Being at odds with those around me is not where I want to live. If I've given my heart to Him, why am I holding on to it so tightly? If I'm not living for myself, why am I so invested in MY life?

I wanna set the world on fire
Until it's burning bright for You
It's everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use?

I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There's nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do

I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father's hands

My hands my feet
My everything
My life, my love
Lord, use me

I wanna set the world on fire
I wanna set the world on fire, yeah

I'm gonna set the world on fire
Set the world on fire

-- Set The World On Fire by Britt Nicole

I first heard this song driving through the German countryside. The mountains were enormous and the low clouds were so picturesque. The song had been on my iPod for quite some time and when it came up in the playlist, I was looking down on this little Bavarian town and thinking how peaceful and isolated it looked. This little old lady was sweeping her porch and I remember thinking, "I wonder how much the world intrudes here." It was a fantastically closed-minded thing to think, I wasn't really serious. She probably gets better bandwidth than I do, volunteers at an Aids clinic, sponsors Ethiopian children, and organizes Free Tibet rallies in her spare time. But at that moment, I think I was projecting my desire to set down my arrogantly self-proclaimed drive to Save The World. Just for a moment to pretend I didn't care. That I could shut myself away in a little town in the high mountains where keeping my porch clean and gossiping about the neighbors is the stressful part of my day. And then, just as is His nature, this song plays through my headphones, precisely speaking the encouragement I needed. Pulling me back to my Calling, my friends, my life.

I've been playing this song every morning as I brush my teeth, at the beginning of every mile I run, and after every quiet time of every day since that morning in Germany.

My smile reaches to my eyes now. Thanks Britt.

Speaking For Effect

After spending a week or so in Munich at Oktoberfest listening to amazing people having fascinating conversations about nothing much at all, I realized something significant: Accents are hot.

The problem with accents being so attractive is the irrational way we respond to them. For some reason we are just predisposed to believe that someone with an English or French accent is sophisticated and classy. Or smart and sexy, or whatever. It's just hot.

In reality, there is no reason to assume any amount of additional intelligence or class just because of their verbal mannerisms. The guys from Britain sit around with their hands in their pants watching cricket, just the same as the guys from Jersey sit around watching baseball with their hands in their pants.

And while a girl might have a totally suave Italian voice, it isn't going to do her much good in a crowded nightclub unless she's got a great pair of . . . er . . . let's just say "other assets".

Let's face it, you can speak with the coolest accent in the world and still be dumber than a bag of hammers. Even so, you'll still see people perking up like they're listening to lottery numbers every time some French accent reaches their ears.

During my travels, I've learned one other way to help combat the unfair advantage imposed by a cool accent. Get drunk. When you are both slurring and sloshing and happy, nobody can understand anybody and you'll still have a great time. It might not help you ward off the coolness factor completely but it might buy you some breathing room to get collect your wits. And if not, it gives you a great excuse for why you did what with whomever when you face your friends the next day.

Twitter-pated

I started publicly tweeting today. Whatcha think?

Do The Puyallup

I love the fair. You should do it.