What A Week

This week I spent time trying somewhat unsuccessfully to reconnect with the some friends. For all my big talk about putting time into relationships and keeping up the friendships, it seems I've been just a crappy friend and let things go too far on a few fronts.

Work-wise, something is changing. Not sure exactly what is transpiring but every now and then in the background I can hear Dylan crooning "The Times They Are A Changing" and the impact hits me like a ton of bricks.

Evidently my desire for personal success can totally get in the way of the happiness of others. Sounds obvious I know, but I mean it larger than that. Usually we are all striving for those win-win type moments. Where we feel that those around us are equally encouraged by the positive movement. We all Get It. When we make a win that we are all sharing in the spoils. But alas, even when we've succeeded and pushed the ball further down the field, we stepped on a hand here, and a toe there. This week brings the phrase bumbling idiot a whole new facet of meaning for me. Now I have to see if the bull can't put some of the china shop back together.

I did however uncover the time to see a good friend and along the way relaxed with the band Shim over some cold ones.

Just when I'm feeling especially isolated, a connection is invigorated and some semblance of normalcy returns.

Then on the way home, I got a flat tire. So now I have to take this car back and get another one. Oh the joys of full-time travel. I should be grateful and not feel quite so inconvenienced. But I don't. Selfish bumbling idiot returns.

Somebody shake me.

Birthdays Run Amuck

This weekend, I'm helping multiple friends celebrate birthdays.

Which of course, makes one reflect on the age of oneself and all that one has accomplished, or not.

Do you ever have to consciously remind yourself not to compare yourself with those around you? Surely I am not the only one? I don't think of myself as particularly competitive or anything, but I am definitely very self-reflective.  When I see someone else smoking it reminds me why I don't smoke.  I've never smoked, never will.  When I see someone thinking about their career choices, it reminds me to review my own.

The thing about it is that I sometimes I find myself thinking, what would I do in that situation?  How would I react if I were them?  Why are they making those choices, and if faced with their predicament for better or worse, what woe would I release?

I guess it isn't a comparison per se, more of a twisted empathy and vapid self-loathing.  Then I reaize that I am not in that situation and my choices of yesterday would not lead me to that situation and therefore my reactions in that situation are more or less irrelevant and I should be supportive and encouraging and less self-critical and perhaps just have a drink and relax.

All that from a birthday bash, hmm?